Children’s feelings
Children are reassured if they are told that both parents still love them and the separation was not their fault. Children can often understand more than their parents think they can but they don’t need to know what went wrong or who is to blame. Seeing or hearing their Mum and Dad fighting makes them sad, anxious and hurt. Exposure to continuing parental conflict harms children. Children are happier if they are clear about the arrangements for spending time with each parent. It is a burden for children if their parents do not talk together about things that affect them and they have to be the message carrier. Sudden changes in the arrangements which are unavoidable can be unsettling and upsetting. Children like to be consulted but they don't want to choose between parents, or be asked to make decisions They are keen to treat their parents equally and to have a 'fair share' of time with each doing ordinary everyday things. They want to maintain their own friends and activities. They don't like feeling guilty or anxious about their time with the other parent. Children still have feelings of affection for both parents. It is hard for them when parents expect children to be their allies or confidants.
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